Why Letters Still Matter in a Distracted World
One of the most treasured letters I have was written by someone who only wrote to me once in 50 years. I can only imagine how difficult it was for him to write it. This is what a letter can do that nothing else can.
For me, letter writing and journaling come from the same place. When you journal, you're writing a letter to yourself. When I think of it that way, I've been writing letters since I learned how to write. Forty years of letter writing. I thought I'd run out of things to say but the opposite is true.
What We've Lost
Writing can be triggering. I watched it happen with my students for years. If your handwriting is a source of shame or spelling stresses you out, the temptation is to avoid the page entirely. But avoidance has a cost.
Journaling has made a comeback. The written letter hasn't. And with it we lost something harder to name. The art of the written word. The time it took to sit with what you wanted to say and then translate it onto the page. The joy of getting a letter from someone you love unexpectedly in the mail. The feel of the pen in your hand, moving across the page. We've drifted away from the human experience.
Human beings have always found a way to reach each other. We rode horses across prairies to deliver a letter — at $5 for half an ounce in 1860! We dipped feathers in ink. We shared telephone lines with our neighbors. Connection was never convenient — and we did it anyway. Now it's effortless and we're sending a low-effort text message instead.
The Way Back
I'm familiar with this drift. I was a chronically busy person who didn't seem to accomplish much. Then I became resentful that I didn't have time for myself. Eventually I realized I was going through a midlife crisis so I started writing letters in my journal.
Journaling is like learning a language or an instrument — showing up a little bit each day is better than once a week for an hour. In the beginning it feels awkward and unfamiliar. What's happening is that you're creating a habit, and it's requiring you to make time and space in your life when you might not think you have any. After you show up time after time, that habit will evolve into a practice. When you show up to practice, you're really showing up for yourself. This is how you start reconnecting.
For a time I felt separate from the world. The people I saw in movies and on social media — the super extra extroverted boss babe — I couldn't relate to any of it. I was getting older, my life was transitioning, and I didn't feel like I belonged. More importantly, I couldn't relate to myself.
Then one day in the garden I watched a tiny ant working so hard, doing exactly what it was called to do. It didn't matter that no one could see it. It was still important to the ecology of the garden. I understood something in that moment that I hadn't been able to put into words before. My work and my life were still important — even when no one was watching.
Journaling taught me how to relate to myself. Once I was able to do that, I was able to extend my journal practice to include letter writing. Now I'm able to send my letters out into the world to strangers.
What a Letter Can Do
Letter writing is a gift. For the writer, it's the opportunity to express what might otherwise go unsaid. For the reader, every word unfolds slowly — literally and figuratively — from the moment they open it.
Writing surprises you. Whenever I write a letter I'm surprised at what comes out. Sometimes I find myself asking, where did that come from? Those surprises are a gift. The idea that just came to you. The connection you made between two things you didn't think were related. They're all discoveries that bring you closer to knowing yourself.
Sometimes the hardest letter to write is the one that needs to be written the most.
The Letter I Still Keep
One of the most memorable gifts I've ever received arrived in the form of a handwritten letter. When I was a young woman, my dad came to visit. It did not go well. I don't remember all the details but I remember being so heartbroken, disappointed, and upset by the time he left.
Someone must have said something to him because a few weeks later, my dad sent me a letter. It's the only time he's ever written to me. I haven't read it in several years so I don't remember exactly what it says but he poured his heart out and explained why he behaved the way he did. Maybe he apologized. It must have been a very difficult letter to write. I treasure that letter.
That's what a letter can do. That's why it still matters. Texts disappear. Emails get deleted. Letters stay.
Begin. Or Begin Again.
If you want to start writing but you feel stuck, start with these 30 prompts I created for women who would like to begin but aren't sure how. If you want a little letter that makes you feel remembered, you'll enjoy The AlphaBet Journal. Each month I write you a letter — first in my journal, then printed and sent to your mailbox. A little letter that makes you feel remembered.